Pure Church

Today I want to pick up our periodic series on "The Cost of Following Jesus." This is a series where we present a case study usually involving new converts to Christ who will face significant "costs" for following the Lord.

In our opening posts (here, here, and here), we considered the case of "Brad" and his long-time live-in girlfriend and three children. We considered the cost of Brad following Jesus and how the church should help him to pay that cost.

We've been thinking of Luke 14 as one foundation text for this series. There, the Lord says:

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'

31"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

So, we're left to understand that those who turn from the broad path of the world to the narrow path of the Kingdom will need to count and pay the cost of following Jesus.

Scenario 2: Angela and Andy, Divorcees Wishing to Remarry


Today, I want to introduce a different scenario. Meet "Angela" and "Andy." They've been dating for about a year now. Both are professing Christians; they understand the gospel and give evidence of loving the Lord. They're in their early thirties and are active parts of two different local churches.

"Andy" is a member of your church. They've decided to marry and have come to you/your church seeking marriage counseling and to have the wedding there. As you speak with Andy you learn that both have been divorced. This will be their second marriage.

In Andy's case, his first wife had been unfaithful and they eventually divorced over the adultery. Andy and his first wife were professing Christians. In Angela's case, she had been unfaithful to her husband, leading to a divorce. At the time, neither Angela nor her husband were believers.

Andy's first wife has gone on to remarry and now lives with her second husband and four children across town. Angela's first husband has not remarried.

The Questions:

Can Angela and Andy remarry? If so, both of them, or one of them? Why or why not?

In your opinion, what are those costs in this situation? And how can you and your church help them bear those costs?

You don't have to be a pastor to answer these questions. I welcome your thoughts as a church member who might be called upon to help in a situation like this. The more the merrier!

A couple days back, we began a new series of posts on "The Cost of Following Jesus". Thanks to all those who shared wisdom and thoughts regarding our scenario from yesterday: Brad, a new convert with a long-time live-in girlfriend and three children depending on his income. The reason I'm thankful for the comments and the reason I'm enjoying this series is that such situations are real human dramas for so many people and so many churches. Learning to respond biblically and with an understanding of the "costs" that will be paid to follow Jesus is a big part of shepherding well in these cases.

I don't pretend to have the "air tight" answers. So, my responses aren't meant to "settle" all open questions and be some kind of "advice from on high." I'm a fellow elder looking to be faithful and to think out loud about some hypothetical situations before I have to work through some real ones. And I'm hoping this exercise is a means of grace to us all. So a few thoughts.

The Costs Brad Will Pay

Obviously, Brad will need to figure out how to live faithfully before the Lord. And that means at least two things: no more sexual immorality, but also continuing to faithfully care for his children who need both his presence and his financial support.

Does he leave the family? If so, does he take the children with him? Does he leave the children and continue providing financial support?

Does he break off the 13-year relationship with Jill? Or, does he marry her? Since she is not a Christian, can he marry her (1 Cor. 7:39)? If he doesn't marry her, are we helping him to defraud her (1 Thess. 4)?


A father is more than a paycheck, so we don't want to weaken or harm the family as we help this brand new Christian discover how to follow Jesus. And Jesus' glory and our love for Him trumps all other loves, so we don't want to leave Brad putting Jill and the children before the Lord. Nor is the love and commitment shared over decades between a man and a woman a small thing to trifle with. All these things are risks associated with helping Brad follow the Lord and bear the costs.

And there are risks to the church and to Jill and the children. How this is handled communicates a lot either accurately or inaccurately about the nature of God's grace and Christian love. Jill and the children are not believers. We desire the family to see the gospel worked out in a winsome way that commends holiness as beautiful. Responding poorly will hurt one or more people in this family.

So what to do?

An Approach

What would be the strengths or weaknesses of the following approach? What would have merit and would should be re-thought? With all of this, I'm talking a couple weeks, not a few months or years.

With Brad:

1. Encourage perseverance and sanctification. Avoid giving assurances based on unbiblical criteria. Instead, exhort the brother in those marks of the Christian life we see described in the Bible: love for the brethren, obedience as love to Jesus, sanctification, and so on. Help Brad to see the work of Christ in the Christian's life as extraordinary and extensive rather than small and trivial. That includes understanding that Jesus is Lord of his sex life as well. There are no intimacies over which the Lord does not say, "Mine." In short, work to give Brad a solid biblical view of what a Christian is.

2. Study with him a book like Ephesians or 1 Thessalonians. This is a practical way to approach #1 above. The books are short enough to cover in a couple weeks, and rich enough theologically and practically that a good picture of the Christian life emerges. Ephesians has the advantage of giving an exalted, Christ-centered view of marriage, something Brad and his girlfriend need. I Thessalonians has the advantage of addressing sanctification and sexual purity directly (chap. 4) and of pointing to the coming of Christ. Both give helpful instruction on the church and its role. As you study, let the Bible ask questions of Brad. Rather than launch a lot of imperatives at Brad, let the Lord's Spirit in His gentle and effective way use the word to address Brad. Ask good questions about the text, and prompt Brad to bring the text to his life.

3. Develop a plan with Brad to pursue marriage quickly. There may be a lot of work that needs to be put into this one. Brad and Jill don't esteem marriage. They have fears about it working. They're comfortable with their current commitments and arrangements. And Jill, at least, doesn't think their relationship is sinful. So, there's a lot of patient teaching that must be done here. There's a lot of exploration and shepherding that needs to be offered in order to help them make wise decisions. But, the aim would be to have a plan for getting Brad and Jill through their issues and to the marriage altar in good shape. Repentance for Brad looks like marrying Jill, which would be strengthening his commitment to her and the children. But the plan should also include some definite thoughts about leaving the relationship if Jill is unwilling to live with Brad as a believer or if she remains opposed to marriage.

4. Baptize Brad after steps 1-3. Teach the brother with all patience. Affirm his decision to follow the Lord and deepen that decision with instruction, rather than questioning the commitment and undermining his faith. Brad's mind needs to be renewed (Rom. 12:1-2) about a lot of things, but that doesn't happen over night. We all entered the baptismal waters in need of some continuing sanctification. Baptism pictures our union with Christ in His death and resurrection, not our glorification and perfection. Build up to the baptism in such a way that the baptism marks a decisive break with the world, but also a decisive beginning with Christ and the church. Avoid making "complete sanctification" the entry fee for the baptismal waters, but protect baptism by counseling the brother thoroughly.


With the Church

All of this, of course, depends on helping the congregation see this as precisely the kinds of opportunities we want to be helpful in, rather than the kinds of things we want to fix quickly, squash, or pretend doesn't happen. A couple of thoughts:

1. With Brad's support and testimony, before baptism and membership, explain Brad's situation at members' meeting, and share the highlights of the plan to help him live faithfully before the Lord. Call on the congregation to bear the brother's burden (Gal. 6:1-2) and to practically help wherever possible. Ask the congregation to faithfully pray for Brad, Jill and the children. Encourage the congregation to bring Brad into the family under the special care of the church. Have Brad make definite statements about the sin of cohabiting and fornication. Be clear, too, about the expectations for Brad should the counseling and efforts toward marriage not work. And be clear about the congregation's responsibility in loving correction should Brad refuse to listen to the church in the counseling and efforts at growing in grace.

2. Be an ally in helping to share the faith with his family. Encourage the church to involve Brad, Jill and the children in hospitality, church activities, and so on. Make the relationship with Brad about partnering in the gospel to win his family, rather than about separating Brad from the family as enemies. Love Jill and the kids in any practical way possible. Help her find better work, if that's a need. Babysit so they can have time to talk through things or attend relationship counseling. Work to make them think that Brad really has entered into this wide and caring family that cares for them all and wants the best for them all. A couple sisters from the church should be asked to develop a relationship with Jill with sharing the gospel and being a general source of support a main priority.

Conclusion

Well, those are my thoughts right now. Let me eat lunch and I may want to change some or all of this. I'm thinking through some of these things wanting to be clear but patient and sensitive as well. I don't know that these comments get the balance correct. So, what do you think? Help me out here.

Yesterday I began a series of posts on the cost(s) of following Jesus. We would all agree that following Jesus is costly. And I suppose we would all agree that faithful evangelism and preaching must be clear about the cost of following the Lord. But what I'm interested in here is how that truth affects pastoral ministry, especially as we welcome new converts into the fold fresh from the world.

And to think about that a little, I want to sketch a series of scenarios and ask you all to share thoughts about how to care for people in these cases. With each case, I'll do two posts. The first post will offer the scenario and the main questions. The second post will, quite frankly, steal from your good suggestions and comments and a few of my own to attempt an answer of sorts. I really want to learn from others in all of this. So, "bring da Book!" Bring your experience. Bring other resources. Let's think together about this issue.

Scenario 1: "Brad," the Unmarried Father of Three

Imagine a single man in his mid-thirties, let's call him "Brad". He's been attending your church for several weeks now, listening attentively and showing interest in spiritual things. You have opportunity to get to know Brad a little bit. He works at a construction site nearby. He received his GED after dropping out of high school in the 10th grade. His father left the family when Brad was about 13 and he hasn't seen him since.


Today, Brad tells you he thinks he has been born again. He trusts the Lord Jesus and wants to follow him. You ask a few questions, and it seems Brad understands the gospel clearly. He gives you a pretty good God-man-Christ-response outline. You ask him about repentance and faith. He speaks to some particular ways he is repentant and joyfully speaks of giving himself over to Christ in trust.

Next week, Brad comes to church and takes up an entire pew with a young woman and three children. After the service, he excitedly introduces the woman to you as his girlfriend, "Jill," and the three children as his sons and daughter, "Brad, Jr.", "Thomas," and "Zoe."

They've been living together for 13 years. The oldest child is 14, about Brad's age when his father left. The youngest child is 3. The mother works as a waitress. The family primarily depends on Brad's income, which sometimes has seasonal ups and downs. Brad is the only believer in the family.

Neither Brad nor Jill really value marriage, since they've seen a lot of heartache in abuse, abandonment, infidelity, and divorce. They've lived together 13 years and they've worked it out okay; they're happy. Because they love one another and are committed to one another, they don't think their relationship is sinful nor do they think "a piece of paper" matters that much.

Brad wants to be baptized and join the church.

The Questions:

How do you counsel Brad? Do you baptize him and admit him to membership?

What specifically are the costs you think he may have to pay to follow Jesus? And how do you and the church help him to pay those costs?

Christian History features a brief article by Doug Sweeney and Mark Rogers on the history of the altar call.

A brief excerpt:

This common evangelistic method, known as the altar call or the public invitation, has not always been around. Successful evangelists such as George Whitefield, Jonathan Edwards, and John Wesley never gave an altar call. In fact, they did not even know what it was. They invited their hearers passionately to come to Christ by faith and regularly counseled anxious sinners after their services. But they did not call sinners to make a public, physical response after evangelistic appeals. So where did the altar call come from? When did it begin?

HT: JT who also links to this post from Andy Naselli listing some resources on the altar call.

Here's the remainder of Lloyd-Jones' comments on Romans 7:4 and the tests for a true Christian. These are tests 2-4. Lord willing tomorrow, an encouragement for those who feel weak and doubtful about their position before the Lord.

Yesterday we excerpted some comments from Martin Lloyd-Jones' sermon on Romans 7:4. He pointed out four things from the text that characterized the Christian life: (1) regeneration; (2) a new relationship; (3) a new purpose; and (4) a new ability.

A couple weeks back, we had the privilege and joy of stopping off in London to visit with friend and fellow-worker in the gospel Mike Gilbart-Smith. Mike and his family are recently settled as the pastor of Twynholm Baptist Church in London (Fulham). Mike is an exceptional preacher, godly, faithful, and full of love for Christ's Bride.

My reading project this year is personal evangelism. So, Lord willing, I'll be working through a year's worth of reading on the topic, exploring it from various angles, with the hopes of developing and implementing a personal plan for doing the work of an evangelist.

Here's an interesting story of a Jewish man who became a radical Muslim and then a Christian. It's part of 6-part series CNN is producing called God's Warriors. You can imagine the slant this will take. (HT: Sam)