Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Bowls Out of Control!

About this time of year, college football fans are usually donning their team colors proudly (if they're in a bowl) or packing them away with a mix of dashed hopes and "there's always next year" optimism (if they're not in a bowl). It's a time of rejoicing for some and mourning for others. It used to be an important time of year, before the corporate expansion of bowl games to out-of-control proportions. Once upon a time, a team had to be really good to get a bowl bid. Now, it seems that all you have to be is mediocre to "earn" one.

And who do we have to thank for this extension of mediocrity? Corporate sponsors. I just skimmed this author's list of best bowl games from 1 to 32. Top 5 or so are the usual suspects. but later the list gets interesting. Here are some of the bowls that really make you go, "Aw com' on now!"

For those who eat too much: The Chick-fil-A Bowl and the Outback Bowl. I love the chicken sandwiches and lemonade, as well as the steaks, but seriously now.

For those who think conferences for insurance salesmen are a lot of fun: The Pacific Life Holiday Bowl.

For those who just aren't sure what a bowl game is anyway: The Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl. What? If you attend this, do you receive a racoon hat, free drug store glasses, or gambling chips with your ticket?

For those who need two hours worth of reminders to fix that muffler: the Meineke Care Care Bowl. What star linebacker really wants to boast, "We won the 'Car Care' bowl?" Which only sounds a little worse than "We won the AutoZone Liberty Bowl?"

Because they really can't accept they're a part of the United States: The Texas Bowl.

Because they wish they were as large and proud as Texas: The New Mexico Bowl.

Because their map of the globe really only includes the United States: The International Bowl, featuring teams from Kalamazoo, MI and Cincinnati, OH.

For those who are really trying hard to believe their team made it to a legitimate bowl game: The Champs Sports Bowl. Which features the Maryland Terrapins, whose fans characteristically overestimate their teams championship potential (sorry, C.J., the truth shall make you free, brother).

For all the New Agers who really want to get into college football: The Insight Bowl.

This just defies description: The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl.

This is just ridiculous. Bring on the tournament system. Crown a real champion! And do it quick before a group of Christians are offended or feel left out and create the "Gospel Bowl" featuring teams with the most celebrity Christian coaches, players and alumni... but very little gospel.


Paul said...


In all of sports there is probably nothing I enjoy more than college football. But the current system needs to be flushed down the Toilet Bowl ASAP!

Anonymous said...

Hey, careful with that Toilet Bowl! Our UNC Tarheels play there every year!

Anonymous said...

And for the record, bring on the playoff system [even though my Gators benefited greatly this year]