Pure Church

"I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers day and night." (2 Tim. 1:3)

The apostle is near the end of his life. As one writer put it, "he is writing in the shadow of the gallows." Death is near. And what is Paul's mental state?

He tells us that (a) he thanks God, (b) he serves God, and (c) his conscience is clear.

What a way to face death! The apostle dies as he lived--thanking and serving God and consequently with a clear conscience.

A clear conscience before God is to be sought and treasured by all His children. I've seen some and read of many others who see death approaching and fall to pieces. Even some professing Christians experience grave uncertainty and anxiety. Often it's because they're more aware of periods in their life when they've not served God faithfully. They remember the kindnesses not shown, the forgiveness not extended, the duties left undone, the opportunities missed or ignored, the love withdrawn, not to mention the words rashly spoken, the bitterness coddled, the grudge carried, the prayerlessness, the closed Bibles, the fellowship shunned, and so on. They're filled with regret that they have walked at some distance from Christ, followed along at a safe distance like Peter at the Lord's arrest. And they're afflicted with the thought that though they could have walked by the Savior's side, stood in His defense, proclaimed His name, they have accomodated the world, satisfied their own desires, and wasted so much. Their consciences aren't clear. The mind is plagued. It's agonizing.

Paul's mental state reminds us that each day is a day presented to the Chrsitian as a gift of communion with the Savior, an opportunity to know Him more deeply and serve Him more gladly. Each day and each moment of the day offers that golden gift. Paul seized it. He remembered that his ancestors served God, and he remembers his constant prayers. Is this not the apostle who tells us to pray without ceasing? And was that not his habit? And the result: confidence before God, awareness of "the promise of the life that is in Christ Jesus" (v. 1), peace in the face of death.

What testimony does our conscience make?

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases Him. And this is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he commanded us. Whoever keeps His commandments abides in God, and God in him. and by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us" (1 John 3:18-24).

A couple days ago, I posted Baxter's advice for spending the day with God. In it, he drew our attention to the end of our lives. Here's Baxter's bedtime routine:

Before returning to sleep, it is wise to review the actions and mercies of the day past, so that you may be thankful for all the special mercies and humbled for all your sins. This is necessary in order that you might renew your repentance as well as your resolve for obedience, and in order that you may examine yourself to see whether your soul grew better or worse, and whether you are better prepared for suffering, death, and eternity.

Or consider young Edwards' 10th resolution:
10. Resolved, When I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom and of hell.

The saints of old seemed to spend far more time preparing for eternity than we do today. And it seems to me that we're the poorer for our neglect of final and great things.

Today, Piper offers an excellent meditation on suffering, rest and the final hour. May we live this day in light of that day.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of preaching a funeral for the grandmother of a former elder of the church, a man I count as a Barnabas to me, and a dear, dear family.

This morning, I'm reflecting on the fact that I'm going to die soon. I don't know how soon. I don't know whether I'll live to be 90 or just have 90 more minutes. But, I'm going to die soon. Even if I live to be 90, I'll look back at my life and it would have been a vapor. I'm going to die soon. And you are too.

I asked the people yesterday how they would be remembered at their funeral. It's a good question for the preacher, too, not just the pew. I'm going to die soon, and I wonder how I will be remembered.

Will I, like Abraham, be remembered as a "man of faith" (Gal. 3:9)?

Will I, like Abraham, be remembered as a friend of God (James 2:23)? Will people say I plead with God as a man pleads with a friend (Job 16:20-21)?

Will anyone think that I, like David, was a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22)?

What will be said about my service in the church? Will I, like Moses, be faithful in all the house of God (Num. 12:7; Heb. 3:2)?

Will those who knew me say I loved my wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25)?

Will anyone testify that the Lord hid nothing from me because I was trusted by God to teach my entire household His wonderful deeds, "to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just" (Gen. 18:17-19)?

I am going to die soon, and these questions receive far too little of my time. Moreover, these questions seem occupied with what other men think. I suppose that's okay on one level, given how the questions are asked. But what will God say when I die?

Will it be written of me: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saint," Thabiti (Ps. 116:15)?

I suppose some men will spend their lives in the ministry, and at the end cry out with Balaam: "Let me die the death of the righteous, and may my end be like theirs!" (Num. 23:10). Yet, like Balaam, they may never see such a death and their end may never be like "the dust of Jacob."

I'd rather hear the Lord say, Thabiti "was as zealous as I am for my honor" (Num. 25:10, 13). Oh to be like Phinehas son of Eleazar! To live only for God's honor!

For the saint, death is but a carriage to eternal life and the glories of Christ on high. All the commendations that attend our processional will have been earned by Christ our Savior. All the fruit of our lives leading to honor among men will have been produced by God's Spirit. To God be the glory, great things He has done.

But we would be better prepared for that day if we live now with the certain knowledge that we are going to die soon.