A dear friend and fellow North Caronlinian sent this to my family. As a North Carolinian, these are things I miss about my home state.
THINGS I LEARNED IN NORTH CAROLINA
1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in NC.
3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in NC.
4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5) "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6) It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
7) "Jaw-P?" means, "Did y'all go to the bathroom?"
8) People actually grow and eat okra. (Although, the best fried okra I've ever had was in Birmingham, AL with Harry Reeder and some of the saints at Briarwood Presbyterian!)
9) "Fixinto" is one word. (Now, there is a regional variant of this word. If you're from my neck of the woods, it's "finto." No need to bother with the 'x'. It means I'm about to do something.)
10) There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper... (Actually, there is lunch. Extra credit: which word is used for lunch, dinner or supper?)
11) Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. (Now my mama's iced tea is the best in the world! People come from all over the city to get a glass. For real)
12) Backwards and forwards means, "I know everythin' about you."
13) The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
14) You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15) You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16) You measure distance in minutes.
17) You switch from heat to A/C in the same day. (We've been known to ride around time with the heat on and the windows down to get the temperature in the car just right)
18) You know what a "Dawg" is. (There are two varieties--four-legged and two-legged)
19) You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and ketchup.
20) You find 100 degrees only "a bit warm." (That's because North Carolinians are born with gills. You need them to breathe in the humidity during the summer!)
21) Going "off to Wally World" is a favorite past time.
22) We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
23) You understand these jokes and forward them to your NC friends and those who just wish they were from North Carolina !!!!!
When I was a boy, there was actually a public ad campaign called "I like calling N.C. home." And we learned to dag-nabbit. I guess it's the southern, polite equivalent to "Don't mess with Texas," without all the cowboy macho stuff. Or it could just be a little insecurity about being "from the country" or the south. I didn't feel insecure about that, though. I identify with that commercial where the cowboys cry out incredulously, "New York City!" Can anything good come out of Gotham?
But I do like calling N.C. home, after heaven and Grand Cayman. We're sojourning, and picking up a few cultural laughs along the way. But hasten the day Lord!
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